"Aziz, here. Up here in the small window above you."

Well, it's the first day of school in Los Angeles.

"What kind of idiot trades a nuclear warhead for three cases of Stoli? Well, answer me! "

Ringo Starr announces he'll extend his rock tour in New York City for four more days.

Madame Toussaud's Wax Museum unveiled their new "J.Edgar Hoover At Home "exhibit today.

Fifth Grader Timmy Collins finally realized that the drinking water might be bad.

"Our next caller is Ricki, a transsexual from Dallas. Yes Ricki, you're on the air with 'Albright All-Night'."

The situation became so desperate aboard the damaged, Russian spacelab Mir that NASA considered contacting the Heaven's Gate cult to see if they could swing around and pick them up.